Monday, 25 April 2016

Shipping Bags: What They’re Made Of

Shipping bags don’t have to be the outside packaging that something gets sent in.  What I’m referring to is the mailing envelope that you usually see, like the bubble envelope, or the padded ones.  You know the ones I’m talking about.  The ones where, if you accidentally get a little too aggressive and wind up breaking into the padding you immediately begin having an asthma attack because a cloud of lint just got released and activated your dust allergy.  They should probably come with a disclaimer on them.  Just saying.

Mailing and shipping bags are the simple things that keep the item being shipped in perfect order.  They allow for organization and compartmentalizing in a way that best utilizes the space.  You wouldn’t want to throw a handful of beads in a mailing box and send it off.  That would be ridiculous.  And would probably double as a maraca for the FedEx guys as they drove along, singing ballads under the moonlight accompanied by To: The Smiths, From: The Joneses.  You also probably wouldn’t put the beads in little boxes inside of the big box.  That would more or less yield the same result.  That’s when you bring in the poly bags.  Separate the beads according to color, size, and/or style and tie them up with some cute twisty ties.  Then you can probably package them in a mailing envelope to boot, which will probably yield the cheapest shipping costs. 

You don’t even to be a business to be using shipping bags.  You wouldn’t send some homemade chocolate chip cookies to your great aunt Edna without putting them in some resealable bags first, now would you?  Those resealable instantly transformed into shipping bags!  And probably kept you from being written out of her will.  That’s right.  We’re onto your little scheme and why you really spend all that money sending baked goods to a crabby old woman.  But don’t worry, we won’t tell.

There’s always a face that takes all the credit and gets all the publicity, and I’m not complaining, that’s just the way it is.  The actor is always getting the credit even though it’s the costume crew and makeup artists and effects people that actually make the movie possible.  In the same way, the box that an item comes in gets all the credit for doing the job, and no one ever notices the rest of the packaging.  But let me tell you, they would notice if the rest of that packaging was missing.  

Why Moving Supplies Make Me Sweat

Sweating is not a very nice thing to talk about.  I admit, I get downright embarrassed when people start talking about sweating.  This is because I am not a big sweater, and I’m not just saying that because I think sweating is gross.  I’m not actually a really heavy sweater who is pretending to be a moderate to light sweater.  I really just don’t sweat much.  And the only time I don’t think it’s gross is after I’ve been to the gym.  You basically have to sweat when doing your work out or else there is no point to going because it means you aren’t really working out.  You are just paying a membership to look like you are working out, and so that people can notice the keychain you have to scan every time you walk through the club doors to go and do nothing.

I always start sweating when I see people start hauling around moving supplies.  If I’m in Lowe’s and someone has put a stack of cardboard boxes in their cart, I’m instantly sweating.  Its because I get stressed out.  I get stressed out because I know what moving supplies is a part of.  It’s a part of moving, and I’ve never had a good experience.  I’ve only moved less than five times, and more than two, but and I know some people move all the stinking time.  They kind of just laugh it off like it’s the nature of the beast. Like moving is grabbing the bull by the horns.  But not I.  I begin to think of every single item that belongs to me passing through my hand into a box, and then that box being picked up and set aside, and then picked up and being carried into the moving truck, and then being picked up and unloaded, and then being picked up so that it can be unpacked.  Touching every bottle of pills, every tool in the workroom, every holiday box of decorations normally stored in the attic.  It just gets me freaking out.

I consider Sharpies and packaging tape to be part of the moving supplies family.  If I happen to glance over in Target and see that someone has a Sharpie marker and some label stickers in their cart I instinctively wheel my cart around and run in the other direction.  Its like I’m afraid that they will ask me to help them move.  Like they will catch my eye and chuckle and think we are having a bonding moment of shared human experience and that we have become close enough in that split second for me to help them.  It’s the stuff of nightmares, I’m telling you.